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6 Things We Only Believe Today Because Of Propaganda

The Man wants us to belief any number of ridiculous things, from trickle-down economics to tinfoil hats being “crazy.” Right, like “Tubthumping” simply gets stuck in your head out of nowhere — we know what cellphone towers really do, whitey. We accept such absurd ideas as the obvious lies they are; untruths perpetuated exclusively to farther powerful interests. But some of the most seemingly innocent realities we never even think to question were in fact originally churned out by the propaganda machine. For instance …

6

Tobacco Companies Invented Type A/ B Personality To Avoid Blame For Heart Attacks

Type A personalities are emphasized workaholics prone to angry outbursts, while Type Bs are more relaxed and agreeable. Those is common to the types. Clearly, “there wasnt” people who fall outside of those definitions.

But why did such a reductive categorization take hold in American culture? Peculiarly enough, it’s because of cigarettes. It turns out that for years, the tobacco industry was involved in both financially influencing investigates about and propagating the idea of this binary personality system. Yep, Type a/ Type B personalities are “to a large extent a construct of the tobacco industry.”

Lucky Strike But it’s not like they could bribe thousands of medical professionals to go along with them, right?

See, Big Tobacco needed to come up with a reason people who smoked are the most prone to heart attacks, but for some reason didn’t want to say “our bad.” They eventually settled on the relevant recommendations that some people are just naturally on the verge of blowing an artery all the time, and if those same people also tended to de-stress with nicotine, then the connection between smokers and people who have heart attack would be nothing more than a coincidence. They proceeded to fund every psychological analyze that pushed the two personality types, then did everything they could to make sure the American public accepted it. So the next time you hear person describe themselves as a real “Type A” personality, “re just telling me” the truth about where that comes from. Then, for fun, “re just telling me” to calm down. Listen close and you might even hear the artery popping!

5

It’s Merely “Spanish Flu” Because Spain Was The First To Acknowledge It Was Happening

In 1918 -1 919, there was a huge influenza outbreak that seemed to hit all parts of the globe almost simultaneously, like a pirated episode of Game Of Thrones , only slightly more grim. The virus was 25 times more lethal than previous flu outbreaks, and 50 -1 00 million worldwide died from it. It didn’t aid that nobody wanted to report it because there happened to be a world war going on, and no one craved “discouraging news” coming out of their country. This was before quick, personal long-distance communication was practical, so it’s not like you could text your buddy in England “lol diying of flu wyd.”

US Army How did people even manage to send thoughts and prayers back then?

Spain, a neutral party during WWI, was the first to report massive numbers of deaths, since they are figured that massive numbers of deaths were a thing worth reporting. But after Spain named the elephant in the chamber, the rest of the world repaid them by reporting their own casualties as being due to the “Spanish flu.” It is suggested that world pandemics role on “they who smelt it, dealt it” regulations. Which is weird, because one of the first cases of “Spanish flu” was retraced to Kansas, two months before the first case in Spain. Kansas may have even been the descent level, according to historical evidence. They don’t even have a good tapas saloon, yet they managed to create the Spanish flu.

4

The Cuban Missile Crisis Was A Diplomatic Success, Not A Political Dick-Measuring Contest

The standard narration of the Cuban Missile Crisis runs like this: On October 24, 1962, Russians tried to put nukes in Cuba, and JFK ran “eyeball to eyeball” with them, and never blinked. It’s the reason the U.S. is rarely willing to budge when another party wants to negotiate, thinking “All I have to do is swing my big American dick around like Kennedy, and my adversary will crumble beneath its mace-like blows.”

JFK Presidential Library “Ah, yes, Mr. President, I see your immense penis battering our foes right there.”

But the story of the Cuban Missile Crisis is just that: a tale. It didn’t happen the style you’ve been taught, and we are just believe what we do because the Kennedy administration actively misled the public about the crisis. You likely reckon Soviet ships were on the cusp of crossing the blockade line when Kennedy unzipped, but in reality, the lead ship was already 750 miles away by that point. If Kennedy swung his dick, it was at their quickly withdrawing backs — a gesture he was likely familiar with.

An integral part of the mythos is that Kennedy attained no concessions during the crisis, but he and Nikita Khrushchev had already negotiated ahead, with both building huge concessions. The Soviets didn’t turn away until Kennedy ensure he would never invade Cuba, and they would only take their weapons home if America took their Jupiter weapons out of Turkey.( Which, by the way, was the whole reason Russia was moving missiles to Cuba — America had already done the same thing, but in Turkey .) Then JFK went home and played the diplomatic equivalent of that child in grade school who insists he’s a Black Belt in “Tae Karate Do.”

3

So-Called “Tulip Mania” Was Calvinist Propaganda

The famed Dutch tulip craze is the oft-repeated instance about the dangers of economic bubbles. Unfortunately, pretty much every wild “Tulip Mania” story — the economy collapsing, certain breeds overshadowing manors in price, citizens being to imprisonment for accidentally feeing a tulip bulb — was made up by Calvinists, a once-influential branch of the Protestant church that has somewhat dwindled in modern times, probably thanks to, y’know, all these lies.

Yes, there really was a Dutch tulip craze, but it had about just as much effect on the economy as Beanie Babies.

Jean-Leon Gerome “I had to snatch the seeds from the hands of a crying child at the store, but altogether worth it.”

Rare spawns did indeed fetch a high cost, but they were luxury items, like premium headphones these days. If Dr. Dre is bankrupt tomorrow, you wouldn’t call that an economic crisis. And nobody even went bankrupt when tulips inevitably fell out of manner. They simply moved on to the next big things — presumably dank herb and loose ladies, which likewise happen to be interests of Dr. Dre.

Which is where the Calvinists come in. They began circulating pamphlets decrying the devil’s perennial with the aforementioned myths, and the narrations caught on. Why did the Calvinists choose to take up this, of all mantles? They felt that rampant consumerism, as symbolized by the tulip industry, would lead the country away from God, becoming the Netherlands into a den of sin. And … well, were they wrong?

2

The Enemy At The Gates Sniper Duel Was Pure Myth

The duel between Nazi sniper instructor Major Konig and ordinary Soviet citizen became expert killer Vasily Zaitsev is so legendary that it got its own movie, Enemy At The Gates .

It’s an epic tale of the underdog overcoming almighty evil, overcoming the odds through sheer pluck and ingenuity. It’s The Karate Kid , basically. The Karate Kid with firearms. And Nazis. And it almost certainly didn’t happen.

Russian National Archives “Hey, if you want to be the one to tell Ed Harris he’s wrong, you go right on ahead.”

The Nazis “havent had” records of either a “Major Konig” < i> or the school where he supposedly taught. Say what you will about the Nazis, but they were meticulous note-takers. The opponents’ stated stances are inconsistent with historical record, and attempts to pinpoint exactly when this happened have been met with little more than dismissive hand-waving. But Zaitsev’s winning kill — his crane kicking, as it were — seems the most ridiculous. His narrative is that he waited it out until the afternoon sunlight was at the perfect slant to reflect off Konig’s scope, giving away his position. This wasn’t merely a Nazi sniper; this was the guy who teach Nazi snipers. Why would he make such a rookie mistake?

So what really happened? At best, Zaitsev shot some Nazi nobody, and the USSR propaganda machine took control to boost morale. At worst, they attained the narrative up altogether, and Zaitsev went along with it. Good thing we live in a country where nobody “wouldve been” make up some elite sniper BS and use it as jingoistic propaganda.

1

Roosevelt Didn’t Spare That Teddy Bear

Teddy Roosevelt is a man of many legends, most of them deserved. It’s said that one day in 1902, while hunting in the backwoods of Mississippi, Teddy was offered the opportunity to kill a captured carry. This was the early 20 th century version of letting your guest have the biggest chicken wing. Appalled by the gesture, and out of solidarity for his fellow animal, Roosevelt spared its life. This whole thing inspired a local toymaker to generate the “teddy bear.” Honestly, it’s weird that more iconic toys don’t come out of hunting mishaps.

Of course, it’s obvious this story is bullshit as soon as you hear that Roosevelt let the carry go without trying to wrestle it. In actuality, he did refuse to kill the bear … but then ordered his helpers to kill it for him. They slit its throat and carried it back to camp, where they all dined on roasted endure over such courses of several days. It’s not clear why someone considered it necessary to make up a story when “I heard he once feed a whole bear” was right there. It is clear, however, who did it: That most wretched of animals, the political cartoonist.

Clifford K. Berryman/ The Washington Post Though this may have easily been about Teddy’s decision to not kill and eat that man

It was this cartoon that inspired the creation of the teddy bear, a doll which itself went on to become a emblem of the Republican Party during the course of its 1904 elections. These toy bears were handed out as promotional materials intended to associate Roosevelt with family values and softness, which had “mustve been” his campaign manager’s idea. If Roosevelt had his lane, every voter would have gotten a swift punch in the mouth, which he called “a gentleman’s handshake.”

Adam has a Twitter and a Facebook, as well as a newsletter about depressing historical realities( i.e. the best kind of historical facts ). Britni Patterson writes traditional whodunits when she’s not trying to spread propaganda in the favor of adding a third period to the weekend. You can find her on Twitter, Facebook, or at her website .

Friendly reminder that the 4th-best Teddy is still Teddy Ruxpin .

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