Ohio County Pee-Wee has plenty of young, husky football players, but let’s be honest , not every single one of them can be a brute. Here are the biggest of the boys, ranked by how much of a freak they are when they get on the field.
Coming in at the bottom of the list is Alberto, because while he’s definitely a grade-A chunker, he’s not exactly dominating video games. Sure, Alberto could use his big, husky belly to destroy any of the scrawny, 9-year-old defensive linemen on the other squad, but instead, he usually just purposes up messing up his footwork, smiling, and proudly waving to his mothers in the stands. While this porker has the body of a peewee legend, regrettably no quantity of shout, “Let’s move, Alberto! ” from the stands is going to construct him any better at blocking, catching, or operating. Damn.
Next, we’ve get Charles. When Charles is just standing around on the field with his finger in his mouth, he may not look like much of a threat, but when the quarterback snaps the ball, Charles runs fucking apeshit. No affair which team is on offense, Charles will try and steal the ball and score a touchdown, even if that entails tackling his own teammate or intercepting a play-act and accidentally running in the wrong direction. He may frankly never genuinely know what’s going on while playing, but inferno, Charles devotes it his all out there on the field, and you just know he’ll end up sweating like a motherfucker every game.
Bottom line, 9-year-old Joshua is a fucking freak. Before every play, he paints his entire are dealing with an eye-black stick, and then proceeds to land blow after devastating blow while hocking giant loogies onto the field after every play. While most chunkers Joshua’s age just awkwardly operate full speed at the ball, Joshua can already deliver a stiff arm that could knock over a full-grown humankind. The problem with Joshua, though, is that when his squad starts losing, boy, can he hurl a tantrum. One period, he jostle his tutor and got ejected from the game.
So, the thing you need to know about Darius is that his papa is almost certainly forcing him to play football, which is why he’s coming in at number two on this list. Yeah, he’s an 185 -pound goddamn danger on the field, but you can tell sometimes that he feels really guilty after he decks kids, even though his ex-NFL dad is always telling him to. One period, Darius straight up broke a kid’s limb, but you could tell he never meant to–the chunker only fell on him weird, and then he started crying. Regardless, Darius is a true-life animal, and that’s what this is all about!
And now … coming in at number one is Ludvig! Ludvig is truly a beefy angel of destruction. Unlike everyone else on the list, all of the weight on Ludvig’s body comes from sheer muscle, and well, poor Ludvig doesn’t know what to do with it. Earlier this season, Ludvig’s dad posted a video of him picking up some kid on defense, hurling him 10 yards, and then scoring a touchdown during a game, and it ran super viral. Since then, rumor has it that Ludvig’s been picked up by a move team where all the husky sons go, but no matter what, in Ohio County 9-Year-Old Pee-Wee, Ludvig’s our# 1 guy. He always will be.